Birthdays

Its my Hawaii birthday today.
If you are wondering check what no of State Hawaii is and recall the old US cop Show with Hawaii and numbers in the title!
Came to the conclusion without friends I'd have had a crap day.
Friends have pulled out all the stops & I've had more cards and pressies than any other year.
Also been out for lunch and had a nice time.
Also no 1 son sent me a huge balloon and flowers.
No 2 son called & is sitting on the pressie till our postal strike is over.
Even errant daughter tried.
But immediate family close to me here and now?
Nah no bother, isn't theirs, but heaven above if we forget their birthday milestone or not.
But you know what?
That's not making me fed up or what have you, what's making me fed up is, I am here , not in Canada living, chasing my tail here to make others happy while they don't give a tinker's curse.
Mother, I know has dementia but I was mortified when she was taken into hospital Friday and all I wanted was her home and better.
Now she is and acting as per normal I don't want to be here with her.
Doesn't matter what I do for her, its never enough, its never appreciated, just once I'd love a thank you and not just from her.
If the Hawaii is the new middle age then its time I get my act together and re invent myself.
And to hang with the rest of them.
Maybe its time for the me time.

Mother

Came home on Friday and was informed that mother had been taken off to hospital.
Now we've been here before, she normally spends 4-10 hours there and comes home.
But she's still there.
Just admitted to a ward and she will be reviewed in the morning.
She complained of not feeling well Friday so sister got the Dr in and they took 3 hours, then after dismissing it, the DR realised that mother was actually passing blood.
That's what got her admitted but as GP didn't say it was important for the ambulance to get here it took another 3 hours.
She was then assessed, and bunged in their assessment ward which is only supposed to be a holding area and not a proper ward but it took till 8.45pm today to get her onto a real ward.
The silliest question on the booking her in to the ward tonight was Do You Have a CPN?
Aye technically.... which confused them, well he went missing 6 months ago!
As its Acute Elderly they do know the CPNS, this should be interesting, but I doubt he'll get his butt kicked for being totally useless at his job.
Dr about 12 spoke to me and asked certain details and I said Its a side effect of her memory drug and she went it is? Oh come on, I know we aren't as bad as the Canadians and we don't tell people side effects like they do ( most adverts on TV would scare the bejesus out of you, you'd never try anything, seriously you'd not) but I do have a habit of reading the wee sheet of paper you getting a box of pills.
Call me old fashioned but I like to know what its going to do to me!
Or do the companies hope we don't read the small print when we are prescibed medication?

Estoy cansada

Estoy cansada.
I am tired if you don't know Spanish.
I am totally whacked out just now, come home from work, sit down and fall asleep, tho' put me to my bed and I'll not sleep.
Have had a migraine for nearly 2 days and that's exhausting me.
So many things annoying me.
Work, people, travel, family.
Take your pick , I am sure I could rant about any of the topics.
Maybe its because the clocks went back I don't know, but since Sunday I so cannot be bothered.
Didn't help 'me' colleague on Monday was as bad as me, we fed off each other's mood.
Melanoma on foot is staying for the time being.
It is raised but she thought with it having been in a cast etc that I've irritated it and it might calm down, and have cream.
I go back just before Christmas.
Mother's Dr arrived 90 minutes late for an appointment yesterday, I'd the good grace to miss Weight Watchers' etc for HIM, yet i could have been there and back 10 times at least, and if he'd the good manners to call or get his secretary to call then I could have been there and back.
As it was I was standing in the post office as I didn't think he'd be coming, luckily Mother's Minder was here as a just in case still.
So he annoyed me.
She was playing a good game of charades with him but he caught her out, he says she's on the surface looking normal and acting normal in conversation then you see through the disguise and you know she's not. Ah well, could we not have said that before he spoke to her for ages?
He also never said what was happening about my letter of moan re the CPN, the Dr has sat on it since Sept 28th and it seemed he was siding with the other health care professional, the old boys net work, I cannot be doing with this, there will be a time when we'll need the help of the CPN and this guy has taken us out the loop in not visiting for 6 months and that's whats annoying me, we cope because we have to and because he's too lazy to do what he's being paid for.
I don't like writing letters , I usually sweep them away, but this is twice and I don't want to bite the bullet and call him, as he'd only want to argue with me and I cannot be doing with that.
That's what he did the last time, tried to use bully tactics to get me to back down.
Mind set is crap so I don't need this.

field trip

aborted trip north

delay

Hasn't twigged it was nearly a week since I last blogged.
As you know last week was hellish and was so busy the last thing I did want to do was blog.
Funeral went off ok, my friend did a good service.
Very good turn out.
Now its back to normal.
But it feels less normal than last week and the running about, all gone a tad flat.
I know when being trained in pastoral care we did get told the worse bit isn't the build up to the funeral but after it.
Its true, folk go off thinking that's the worse bit done.
Sister is staying with us tonight, she seems very flat and down, from a full mad house for a week to just her the cat and dog.
And me popping in when I can or calling.
But its now different.
First day back at work for me yesterday and had a moment near the end of the journey.
And I have to admit it was a struggle as folk did want to speak to you about it and I didn't want to. Why it felt different I don't know.
Today a field trip so out of the place which was good and bad at the same time.
Shall post pictures of the aborted trip north and today's field trip.

been a busy few days

Had to go into work this week, a I couldn't get an answer from the phone, thought I was timing it all wrong but seemingly no one in the office this week at all.
So got HR and things are all clear for Monday & Tuesday and I don't need to be there.
Also swapped cars.
Xavier is now sitting at my sister's and would you believe folk already looking at it. The guy I bought it off didn't want to buy it back too old says he!
Aye well you did sell it to me.
Anyway, we know its a nice wee run around and not really the kind of car I should be driving at my age but I like it, but it seems we shall get rid of it easier than the box my brother in law drove which I now have sitting outside the house.
So whatever is got for Xavier will go to sister for me having Salvatore Valentino, aye I named it, its Italian so it needed a name.
Also went to Undertakers, saw the order of service, was told the coffin had been sealed so no one could see him and they did say to sister that he wasn't the man he was.... the girl asked me what he'd died of, as he'd kind of deteriorated quicker than they thought.
The logical scientist in me says aye well he was dead for nearly 10hours in a centrally heated house things were bound to start a chain reaction to a quicker start to decomposing.
Other part of me says a shame that his sister couldn't go and say good bye to him rather than a coffin.
I don't know why but I am a tad matter of fact where death is concerned.
My logical head goes on and i have to say I must sound callous and I am convinced its a defence mechanism so I am away from the actual deed itself.
Don't know why I've always been like this but I have, don't get me wrong I am always sad on the passing of someone, but, I can't do the weeping and wailing kind of thing,maybe I've not loved anyone enough but that would be a lie, but it is expected of me, the youngest to be the strongest out the 5 of us.
So therefore I must build this wall around me and hide behind the parapets until I am alone and it hits me.
It took ages for it to hit after my birth twin, my great nephew had died.
Just one day coming home from work and they played Queen's Don't Stop Me Now, his favourite song and then whoosh.
Errant daughter is being a pain which is really taking my mind off things too.
She wants to bring the boyfriend to the funeral and we've said no (1) not the ideal place to meet the family (2) he didn't know my brother in law.
So she through a strop about it stating well she wouldn't go, so it was point out she could travel with my nephew etc and she went no as she'd feel awkward with him.
Ok he's her bio dad and she's known all her life who he is and her bio mum and why he wasn't allowed her after her mum gave her up, and has on many an occasion been in his company etc and got very close to him when my great nephew , her half brother died.
Now suddenly its not seemly.
Also her other Auntie will be a bitch to her, well maybe but not at a funeral!
So this is the girl that is training to be a counsellor.
I would say in all honesty she needs to HAVE therapy again and not give it.
I have a rough idea what is behind all this, she will have painted a cruel and horrific picture of how we are all to her and to fraternise with the enemy would be unseemly.
I am way past caring about her teenage behavior when she is 24 but it would upset my sister if she didn't turn up, but the daughter really needs to know that Tuesday isn't her being centre of attention as she is now hijacking it but her Aunt's.