Decades

A decade is a period of 10 years , comes from the word via French from Latin decadem.
Every one has raved about the end of the first decade the end of the noughties.
But technically that should be till the end of 2010!
But hey we won't split hairs!
What was I doing 10 years ago?
Well at New Year, arguing with mother ( hey whats new and she had her marbles then!)
because she felt she should argue & cause mayhem.
Watched the fancy fireworks.
Waited to go on line at 1am to speak to someone who was stationed in England.
No 2 son waiting 7days till he ended his teen years!
What has the last decade brought me?
Well it did start very stressful with things happening to me which I don't wish to discuss here and yes it had something to do with the person I was speaking to on line that night, things kind of kicked off badly when we got into the new year.
Was in the same job as I am now, which means I am either very lazy about getting a new job or happy there, maybe I was 10 years ago, I would argue with that now!
Hadn't envisaged both sons being off living 1000s of miles away.
Hadn't envisaged me being mother's main carer or her having dementia.
Well, you kind of lull yourself thinking she's 81 in 6 weeks, she has all her marbles and is fighting fit....
Maybe I'd envisaged me living with the person I spoke to that night being far away from here but I don't think I did.
But I do know this wasn't the existance I had imagined when I was a teen working out how old I'd be in the year 2000.
Life throws us curve balls, and I seem to have had a lot of bad karma which would make me beg to know what the hell did I get up to in a previous life?
I hope it was a good one, hate to be having bad karma for no reason at all, not little things, I hope it was a biggy!
What will the next decade bring?
I hope escape, some me time,some happiness.
I am not alturistic by choice as I've said but I'd love to be a hedonist just for a wee while ( somehow Ithink I'd get fed up with being one all the time but my sister has managed for 57years ok with being purely hedonistic!).
I don't like new year, means I have to be retrospective about the last year and what I've achieved . Nowt.
Today is the anniversairy of Angel's death, she fell asleep under the kitchen table and never woke up.
My Uncle died just 3 weeks later and to be honest mother was more upset by Angel's death than her brother's.
The first 5 months of the year saw me either encased in plaster of Paris or a moonboot or bandages and also being off work. Very boring.
Saw Basil dying in April.
It has taken me till Hogmanay to actually remove his 2 drawers of doggy apparel  and I ceremoniously burnt them all very Viking style.
On the plus : Got new woofie in the May, went back to work, and then went off to Canada for me hols.
Summer was ok ish, car died a few times and I spent a lot of money on that trying to keep it going.
October saw me decide I'd be 'brave' and attempt to drive car  all the way to the Western Isles on my own and only with the dog for a companion!
Haven't had problems driving for anything longer than an hour this meant it took ages, as we stopped every 90 mins for a stretch!
But that was short lived and we had to come home as brother in law had been found dead.
Slipped into a milestone birthday un noted by 3/4 of family/ friends.
Not like I am a party person, just would have been nice to hear them say Happy Birthday!
Christmas came and went and now New Year has bit the dust and I sit navel gazing thinking what the hell did I achieve? NOWT.
What will 2010 bring me? Don't know but I did make some resolutions and one of them was to stop bothering about those that never seem to make the effort with me.
I knock my socks off sometimes keeping in touch with 'friends' family and you know you'd never hear from them unless you made the first move and its now tiring.
I do need more me time, and I shall try and get some before my jaunt back to Canada in the summer, if not by the time I get there I'll be exhausted.
And the snow falls yet again, let me wish you a Happy New Year, I hope your first foot was dark, and brought you luck.
Heres to 2010 and lets hope it a great year for us all.

A guid New Year to ane an` a` and mony may ye see!

There are many theories about the derivation of the word "Hogmanay". The Scandinavian word for the feast preceding Yule was "Hoggo-nott" while the Flemish words (many have come into Scots) "hoog min dag" means "great love day". Hogmanay could also be traced back to the Anglo-Saxon, Haleg monath, Holy Month, or the Gaelic, oge maidne, new morning. But the most likely source seems to be the French. "Homme est né" or "Man is born" while in France the last day of the year when gifts were exchanged was "aguillaneuf" while in Normandy presents given at that time were "hoguignetes". Take your pick!

Historians believe that we inherited the celebration from the Vikings who, coming from even further north than ourselves, paid even more attention to the passing of the shortest day. In Shetland, where the Viking influence was strongest, New Year is called Yules, from the Scandinavian word.

It may not be widely known but Christmas was not celebrated as a festival and virtually banned in Scotland for around 400 years, from the end of the 17th century to the 1950s. The reason for this has its roots in the Protestant Reformation when the Kirk portrayed Christmas as a Popish or Catholic feast and therefore had to be banned. Many Scots had to work over Christmas and their winter solstice holiday was therefore at New Year when family and friends gathered for a party and exchange presents, especially for the children, which came to be called hogmanay.

An integral part of the Hogmanay partying, which continues very much today, is to welcome friends and strangers, with warm hospitality and of course a kiss to wish everyone a Guid New Year. The underlying belief is to clear out the vestiges of the old year, have a clean break and welcome in a young, New Year on a happy note

"First footing" (that is, the "first foot" in the house after midnight) is still common in Scotland. To ensure good luck for the house, the first foot should be male, dark (believed to be a throwback to the Viking days when blond strangers arriving on your doorstep meant trouble) and should bring symbolic coal, shortbread, salt, black bun and whisky.

And it is worth remembering that January 2nd is a holiday in Scotland as well as the first day of the year - to give us all time to recover from a week of merry-making and celebration, all part of Scotland's fascinating cultural legacy of ancient customs and traditions surrounding the pagan festival of Hogmanay.

Another day

Well we've had a relatively quiet Christmas and she's behaved.
I seriously must stop feeling sorry for her & worried when she goes into down mode as it doesn't last long and I sit here thinking I cannot stand this woman.
Can't say hate but some times we get pretty close to wanting to hate her.
I find hate a negative emotion so loathe to get to that stage.
What happens is I get eaten up inside and then I get depressed.
Then you get some 'idiot' asking why you are angry at the world or why you fed up?
And i get that from someone who works in psychiatric which narks me even more.
Or the ones that say why don't you just bung her in a home?
Easier said than done, and stupid me promised her 4 years ago I'd never do that.
There are times I sit thinking by heck I shall & then think not yet.
Sister was supposed to take her out with her , even a wee run in the car to the supermarket would have got her out for a wee while so much better than her sitting thinking of ways to escape.
Today the piece d'resistance (and a new ploy!) is her screaming like a 3year old, and at the front door, she had it opened and I was trying to reason with her and then decided best ploy was to get her handbag off her! ( she is fixated with ££ actually all her life she has been like that so no surprise that this is her 'g*d in her demented mind). It got her back into the house, but I am amazed the police didn't arrive to have me arrested , though I'd have gone willingly for a few hours peace!
I also thought again, if she'd been seen by a medic or even the police they might have sectioned her, the moods are now swinging to the point that seen by someone that has some clout and it could have her into a secure ward regardless to what I promised.
The quiet times today have lasted for just 20-30 mins in length and you can't watch TV as she doesn't like you sit beside her.
So today I have sat and read through the Dementia Help line notes and thought I'd not mind sitting saying to someone all the crap that goes through my head about how I feel about her rather than it being welled up inside.
Someone said to me when they do all these documentaries etc about dementia etc they make them all look manageable, they don't show the violent out bursts which is true or they show folk that still have a sense of humour and no where near as bad as she is.
On the Dementia Scotland site I checked the palliative care part, do this every so often for new ideas and also they have a part about the end stage, which it seems mother is entering.
She has about 60% of the symptoms now, scary, but it makes sense in her behaviour that its the final stage.
No one knows what this is like, yet a lot of folk have something to say about it.
Every body is an expert on her care but not one is willing to understand my view or why i feel how I do!

Kwanzaa!

Kwanzaa was created in the 1960s by Ron Karenga, an African American activist. It was first celebrated December 26th, 1966, to January 1st, 1967. It is a festival seven days in length.


The name Kwanzaa derives from the Swahili phrase 'matunda ya kwanza', meaning "first fruits". The additional "a" was added to "Kwanza" so that the word would have seven letters, one for each of the Seven Principles, or Nguzu Saba, of Blackness. Each of the seven days of Kwanzaa is dedicated to one of the following principles. In order, they are:* Umoja (Unity),
* Kujichagulia (Self-determination)
,* Ujima (Collective work and responsibility),
* Ujamaa (Cooperative economics),
* Nia (Purpose),
* Kuumba (Creativity), and
* Imani (Faith).

The holiday is meant to celebrate the African heritage of African Americans, and to reflect upon the traditions and roots of the African American people. Somewhere between 5 million and 12 million Americans celebrate it annually. The appropriate greeting and answer is “Joyous Kwanzaa.”

Kwanzaa celebrants light a candle during each day of the holiday. The first candle is black, symbolizing the African American people. The next three are red, representing the struggles of the black people. Next are three green candles, which symbolize hope for the future. The candles are lit from left to right.

Each day of Kwanzaa is represented by a different life principle. In order, these principles are: unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity and faith.

On the last full day of Kwanzaa celebrants enjoy a large feast. This feast, called karamu, is the high point of the holiday.

The official colors of Kwanzaa are black, red and green. These colors, represented in the candles lit each night, also are included in home decorations. Other decorations feature traditional African items, such as baskets, cloths, and harvest symbols.

Boxing Day

The name derives from the tradition of giving seasonal gifts, on the day after Christmas, to less wealthy people and social inferiors, which was later extended to various workpeople such as labourers and servants.
The traditional recorded celebration of Boxing Day has long included giving money and other gifts to charitable institutions, the needy and people in service positions. The European tradition has been dated to the Middle Ages, but the exact origin is unknown and there are some claims that it goes back to the late Roman/early Christian era.
In the United Kingdom it certainly became a custom of the nineteenth century Victorians for tradesmen to collect their 'Christmas boxes' or gifts in return for good and reliable service throughout the year on the day after Christmas.
The establishment of Boxing Day as a defined public Holiday under the legislation that created the UK's Bank Holidays started the separation of 'Boxing Day' from the 'Feast of St Stephen' and today it is almost entirely a secular holiday with a tradition of shopping and post Christmas sales starting.
Because it has fallen on a Saturday this year, Monday becomes the public holiday for it!
Though I should imagine for a lot of folk today isn't a holiday its the mass invasion of the shops!
Christmas money to spend and boredom!

Christmas Day for us was uneventful.
Thankfully!
Had a good few folk phone, always do, those that say they shall visit etc and haven't done so all year and then bemoan when you tell them how mother is as you've not called them to update them!
My brother being of that ilk.
He knew how bad she was in October at my brother in law's funeral as he was told and we got the normal, we shall come up on our next day off, we've not seen him!
Supposedly he's coming up this coming week if he gets the day off, we shall see.
Won't hold my breath , don't see the point.
Sister took mother off after the meal and I got to sit and wallow in the delights of Dr Who ( Tim Dalton is in it, a favourite of mine, don't know why he is but he is!) and then the epic Australia, typical Bax Lerhman film and not the chic flick it could have been. I was glued, I did think it slightly too long but I had to sit to watch to the bitter end!
Now the build up to New Year a time I hate even more.

The Mammy

She is back to normal.

4 days of bliss & getting worried she was in decline more than normal and hey presto today at 3.40 appears coat, bag & hat, told her no going out!

She then said sister had phoned her and if I didn't believe to call, so I did ( it never goes down well when I call her bluff!) Sister told her to stay put.

So she sat had a cuppa and blethered to herself.

She'd put lippy on as well, tho most on teeth and on face and not on lips, a bit like Bet Davis in that film, What Happened to Baby Jane?

Gave her her tea, she sat and played with it, kept making sure she was eating something.

Then a crash, woofie and one of the cats raced away with the 'it wasn't me honest!' look on their faces, she'd dropped it on the floor and then went oh didn't want it anyway, so she did the kiddie thing of sabotaging her own meal! I know the ploys been there done that!

I know them all , did have an eating disorder as a teen ( you'd not guess that now but I still do have a love vs hate thing with food)

A wee while later I noticed that coat was on and I asked where she thought she was going, OUT for a walk says she, nope, not in THAT snow!

She waited till my back was turned 20 mins later and was out on the street, being a banshee re getting out & going home & how she was just visiting etc.

Did point out she'd lived here for 48 years but though she went yes she didn't know what that meant.

Folk getting into their cars looked at me as though I was being cruel and I wasn't, I was trying to reason with her but that so wasn't happening.

So from the sidewalk I called sister and said I was bringing her to the flat, so she came out and all she could hear was this argument as would you believe mother moaned about it being icy!

Then when sister told her off she went ok I'll go home now!

But we made her stay put,might calm her but she's back to arguing and its not a full moon.

Dr yesterday said we do need more help than we are getting, he's seen a difference in 4 weeks!

So Mr CPN how can she be stable & get discharged?

He's discharged her off his caseload and I think in the new year I shall ask what happens with out reach and a new assessment? And also a new CPN and this time I think I might get the backing of our GP. Just taken 3years but hey better later than never!

Snow update, its still 4 ins plus.

My neck/ back is dead thanks to my energised start of the morning!

Won't be rushing to do it tomorrow then!

I'd not mind but those in the block my sister is in just let me clear theirs away and no thanks!

Woofie toasting himself for his next romp!

And I am venturing out tomorrow, sister's in the country to drop off stuff.

She said they were snowed in till lunchtime!

Theres not a surprise then!

More pictures may follow.

December 23

This is the first anniversary of a colleague dying, she's been in my thoughts as has been her hubby.

Also its a year since I broke things!

Came out the hospital 11am that morning, came home into bed & was called to tell me Joan had died, so not a good Christmas.

The year before my great nephew died.

So this isn't my best time of year, this year, mother isn't good and my colleague's dad is in hospital.

Yet this morning, after being woke at 3.40 by woofie having a hellish nightmare, with him seriously not knowing where he was & squealing I thought I'd look out and the same snow as yesterday, woke again at 6.40am & decided as he was desperate to get out, to open curtains & wow winter wonderland, we've now got over 4 ins of snow!

Garden looks fab.

Woofie and I went off to the post box and sent off birthday cards to folk who have birthdays just after Christmas and he's had a great time all excited about it, making 2 small children giggle a lot at his antics.

So the nightmare is forgotten.

The street looks fab, the world feels fab but that's for now, amazing what snow can do when you know you don't have to get to work!